Missing You / Roger Ervin (Father)
It's always hard on me this time of year son with the timing of your birthday and then deer season rolling around I always find it hard to reason why your not here, but I have to keep reminding myself that there is a grander plan that I'm not in control of and I know and keep reminding myself that when my number rolls up I will get to see you again. I hunted for the first time this year and it still seems so empty not getting to share the laughs and fun we had for so many years, I thank God that he allowed me to have those memories for no one can take those away from me, you will always be in my heart and I miss you now as much as I ever have I know you will be smiling down on me everytime I crawl into a tree stand for it's during those times that I can relive all those precious memories that we made, as I always say save OL DAD a place I will be seeing when it's my time. Close
Happy 21st Birthday Son in Heaven / Beth Greene (Mom)
Son,
You'd be at College now probably playing football as an OU Sooner and I know you'd be so much more handsome. I'd love to see how much you've changed. I know I'll see you when the Lord takes me home but until that time, you'll always be in my heart forever. I love you son and I'm thankful to know that your happy and at peace in heaven.
JD/ Stacie Breed (Sam's (JD's gf) college roommate )Read >>
JD/ Stacie Breed (Sam's (JD's gf) college roommate )
JD, I am Sam's college roommate and just wanted to say how much I wish I could have gotten to meet you and see how amazing you were. Sam has told me yall's story and recently showed me this site and I want you to know that I am looking out for her just as much as I know you look down on her and protect her like you did here. You saved her, you were her first love, you made her the person she is today who is an amazing friend, an amazing daughter, and an amazing person in general! i wish so badly that i could have met you JD but i did meet your son JJ who is pretty darn cute :) we both wish he could live with us in our tiny dorm room! i can't wait to meet you someday and be able to witness you and sam together again because i know that in heaven when yall are reunited there will be no tearing yall apart! i promise i will do my part as her roommate to look after her and take care of her just as you would be doing! ~Stacie Close
hey JD how is it up there with the man..i hope your having fun. Well i havnt got on here in a while so i thought i would..Your sister moved to south carolina i miss her like crazy. i dont rlly c your dad around anymore..But we all miss you bub i wish everything could just go back the way it was you were to young and i know it was ur time to go but i miss the old days when i used to come over to aunt judys and always c you there wit justin as soon as i walked in the door..you and justin were always playing video games..lol and when you guys would play basketbll in the heat of the day..or you guys were always hunting..You and justin and your dad would always come back and tell us every little detail bout you guys hunting day..i knwo me and you never talked but i knew were there and you were like family to me..well amy is getting married to an amazing guy i thought she would never het married.We all wish you were here to meet him..lol exspecially amy the one everyone thought would never get married..just and jennifer r not together anymore but they act like they are..well i cant wait to c you in heaven!!
i lov u / DeeAnna Ervin (Sister)
Bubba its been awhile since i've been on your site i guess i jus couldn't bring myself to get on it like i know i should of. I miss you like crazy though i think bout you everday, i had so much fun in Oklahoma i wish you could of been there to share it with me! I finally built up enough courage to see your grave and it looked beautiful everythin was exactly how it was before AMazing! i love you more than life itself bubba jus thought i'd tell you that can wait to be with you one day so we can have some bro. sisterly love kisses and hugs always!
Samantha's Graduation Inspired This Poem / Beth Ervin (Mom)
To: Samantha From: JD (as given to his mom during prayer and intercession)
I was up here watching as you walked across the stage So elegant, so lovely, so beautifully full of grace I watched as you shook hands and your diploma you embraced Proud and excited over the accomplishments you’d made Our love is eternal, and breaches barriers , time and space Nothing can ever stop it, or its memory erase It rises up within you, with every breath that you take Supporting and uplifting you, all along life’s way The love that we have is profoundly in depth As constant as the heart beat, thumping in your chest For the gift that we were given, we are truly blessed Close
Sams Graduation / Roger Ervin (Father)
I went to Sams graduation last night son it was so hard being there last night I felt so out of place, I'm not sure why, but I did maybe because I wished you were there. Sam looked so beautiful accepting her diploma he made me think of what should have been, what could have been, I know your smiling down at her as you always do carefully watching over her continuously. Last night seemed like another chapter in this saga we call life, another part of the script that has to be played out, it seems so unfair that you didn't get to stay and graduate with your friends, but I know God had other plans and I will never question that, but it doesn't lessen me missing you or wishing I could just talk with you one more time, but I know that will come when my number rolls up and God calls me home, till then son keep a watchful eye on Sam, your sis and brother, your mother and me I know you do, till then son OL DAD will be seeing you, I love you. Close
I know Samantha (your baby girl) especially felt your presence tonight as she walked across the stage to accept her diploma. I'm sure this is one of many accomplishments to come in the future and I know you'll be with her for each one. We both love you and miss you. In our hearts, your always ever present.
Third anniverary of your passing / Beth Ervin (Mom)
I've decided to say from now on that this day is the anniversary of you meeting Jesus and seeing heaven. I know that time is infinite in heaven there is no beginning and no end, so I'm sure it just seems like you've been in glory a short time. We all miss you in the finite environment we live, because for us its been three lonely years. I miss hearing your voice, seeing your smile and all the hugs. I keep reminding myself that your surrounded by everlasting peace, love and joy, surrounded by your loved ones and friends, and I'm sure busy praying for your family down here. As you gaze from the grand stands of heaven, I hope your proud of all of us today. I hope you see answered prayers as you cheer us on down here. I'm so proud of you, Keith and DeeAnna. Children are a blessing of the Lord and I've been privileged to be a mother. All your friends are either in College or working and doing great but they still miss you as we all do. I'm hoping to see you in a dream listening to your Grandpa Ervin preach and your Grandpa Greene playing the guitar and leading praise and worship. I can also hear your singing "I can only imagine," one of your favorite songs while you were here. You had a lot of firsts in your life through all your accomplishments even reaching heaven before the rest of us. I thank God for the wonderful heart, he gave you. When you chose to protect Samantha, sacrificing yourself to save her in the accident, it was the most courageous, loving, unselfish decision of your life. "Greater love has no man than to lay down his life for his friends." You expressed the unconditional love of the Lord by your actions and it was your finest moment here on earth. A moment that defined you as a hero not just to your family, who already saw you as a here, but also to your friends and acquaintances. You truely are a home town hero. Your brother always thought you were the luckiest person he knew because it seemed like everything you did was blessed. I think now we all understand why you were so blessed growing up, you had alot to accomplish in the 17 1/2 years of your life and you did it with such character, grace and hard work. Your legacy continues to inspire those that knew you and will continue to inspire them in their memories as they continue their journey of life. I love you. Close
Missing You / Roger Ervin (Father)
I don't think we as parents are equipped to handle a loss of a child, any child no matter the age, it was meant for us to be buried by our children not our children to bury us. We are fast approaching the day we had to say our final goodbyes son and it doesn't get any easier, all the emotions, all the pain, all the anguish it's like it's right there again, I know I've said it before probably somewhere I've typed it, but it's what I have to deal with as I walk out the remainder of my tour on this good earth. As you and I talked about so many times we don't know when we leave the house everyday or go to bed at night what might happen and after your accident I realized the fruition of those prophetic statements and the conversations we had, my mind keeps going back to the last afternoon I spent with you here and how thankful I am that God allowed me to have that time with you before he took you home. I won't ramble on Son just had to express some of my feelings and let the passers by read what we deal with as parents that deal with the loss of a child. Keep OL DAD in your prayers Son and I will be seeing you when my time comes, as I always say save OL DAD a place. Close
Our Love / Samantha Lorton (JD's girlfriend )Read >>
Our Love / Samantha Lorton (JD's girlfriend )
*I miss you Baby, but i know we will be together again someday. Until then you are safe in my heart, and with every breath i take, and every step i take, i know you are watching over me. Life won't be the same without you here but I know God and I can make it through. You would be proud of me Baby, for how strong i've been for you. I know you hated it when i cried and was sad, so i'm going to be strong for you Baby because I know that's what you would want me to do. I lie awake in my bed imaging all this isnt true. I won't ask why. That's not fair to God or you. Thank Baby, for saving my life. Not just Thursday April 21, 2005 but, for everyday i got to have you in my life. You showed what TRUE LOVE was and how beautiful life could be.I haven't said goodbye since the hospital and i won't say it now. Because it is not goodbye, it's just a break for awhile. I love you Jeremy Dean Ervin. You were, are ,and will forever be my LOVE, my ANGEL, and my BABY*
JD really knew the meaning of Love / Samantha Lorton (JD's girlfriend )Read >>
JD really knew the meaning of Love / Samantha Lorton (JD's girlfriend )
I laid in his bed tonight. As i laid there and cried i remembered when i used go in there and take naps. Jeremy would come and check on me & i liked to pretend i was asleep because he would come in there & sit down next to me and rub my head, kiss me, run his fingers through my hair,run his hands across my face and run his finger across my lips (i loved that*). He would just look at me as i sleep and when i would open my eyes he would look at me and say " Babygirl, you are so beautiful. I love to watch you sleep, and i think when you wake up, you are the prettiest." I would smile and kiss him and then ask him why. He would say " I don't know, i guess because i get to see you like this when no one else does."
* Another time we got to talking about the future and then we came upon the subject of kids and when we got married and stuff like that. I asked him if he wanted a boy,girl,ect. He said he wanted a boy first, then a girl. Then he said " You know what I would love... if we had a girl and she'd look exactly like you. She would have your eyes,smile,your whole face. I just think that would be awesome!" I wanted to cry.
They say that the good die young, thats why I think that you should have fun (when you're young). Cause time won't wait for no one, when God calls, you gotta go home ----- JD Ervin
JD knew that death wasn't the ending. He knew that death meant he was going home. I'm so glad my son knew the Lord.
Grief is a Long Process / Beth Ervin (Mom)
Dear Friends, Co-Workers, Church Family, Extended family and “General Public,”
I am a bereaved parent. My child died. My world has been “turned upside down” and I have been thrown” into a world of pain and grief that I never even imagined could exist. The absolute “worst” has happened to me and my family. Our child, grandchild, brother or sister has died. Close your eyes for a minute and just try to imagine your world as you know and love it being totally and forever changed in one split second. Imagine that one of your beloved children that you kissed goodnight last night, talked to on the phone yesterday or said “I love you” today as they walked out the door to go to their every day regular activities DID NOT return home. Not today, not tomorrow or not ever! Just try to imagine getting a phone call or a knock on the door from the hospital, Highway Patrol, Sheriff Department or anyone telling you that your child is dead. I am sure that you can not even begin to imagine the horror of it. It did happen to me and my world that I knew and loved is no longer, I am no longer the same me that you once knew. I am no longer the same “me” that I once knew. I am faced with trying to learn to go on without my precious child. Where do I start, what do I do? Where do I turn? The pain is unbearable, the pain is constant in the first days, weeks, and months and, I am told even years. I am consumed with this pain my every awakening minute. I can not sleep at night; I can not function at home, work or anyplace. I may put on a “good face” and tell you “I am fine or OK” but this is far far from the truth. I am NOT OK or fine. Quite frankly, I do not even have the energy to tell you how I really am and there are really no words in any language to adequately explain the horrendous pain, grief or longing for my child that I am feeling. I am told by other more “seasoned grievers” who have also had a child die that “one day” I will not feel this constant all consuming pain, that I will find joy in my life again but that it is a very long and hard journey of grief to reach that point. I am on that long and hard grief journey right now. I am trying and please believe me when I say I want to see the day when I can breathe and not feel just this over powering grief and pain. I tell you all of this because you can help me so much by just trying to put yourself in my place and understanding what I and my family are now faced with. You don’t have to have the “right words” to help me, for there are no “right words.” But you can give me your hugs, your understanding, and your support by knowing that this “grief journey” takes a long long time and is not something that I can “get over” (I don’t have the measles) or “move on” from………..I have to go through this grief to get to the “other side” of it. Thank you so much for understanding. Close
Three Years Gone too fast / Roger Ervin (Father)
It doesn't seem possible or real that three years will come to pass on your leaving us, so much has changed in my life as if losing you wouldn't be enough, sometimes in life we make decisions that aren't always popular, but that was one thing I admired about you son you weren't afraid to stand up for what you believed in. I don't know that I will ever get used to the idea of you not being here, I still think about you everyday, I still come to the website often just not daily like I did, please forgive me son, but I just had to cut back on the amount of time I spent on the site, it doesn't diminish the loss I feel or your being gone, it's part of the healing process I guess and I'm learning a lot of things as time goes on. What I wouldn't give for just one minute, just one last time to hug your neck, but I know that will have to wait until God calls me home and my number rolls up. I continue to walk out this daily life doing my best to keep my chin up and it never fails when I'm down and having a bad day I find a penny and my heart is renewed, I miss you more than words could possibly say, as I always say save OL DAD a place and I'll see you when my time comes. Close
Stop and Stare / DeeAnna Ervin (lil Sis )
I stop and stare at the pictures on my wall, because behind the face I know you weren’t just someone to me. You were the meaning behind every purpose of life. You stood for what you wanted and when you wanted it, or how you wanted it to start. Three years seems to be too long and time just keeps passing me by. Somehow I wish I could stop time and go back to start it all over. Sometimes I think I’m moving, when in reality I don’t know where I’m going. As I look around me and see life beyond its limits, I understand its characteristics, its true meanings and the stories behind it all. The ups and downs of everyday problems between anyone and everyone, even if they tried to slow you down. I could sit here and write thousands of words expressing you, because you’re not just one meaning, one feeling, one wish, you are your own type of person. If I could express you in just one way it would turn into expressing how I understood you, knew you and spent every day with you. I knew the real person underneath it all. I saw you for you, not only my brother, but as my best friend, my partner in crime and my whole world. I saw you cry, I saw run away from your problems, or how nothing could get you down, because if anything tried you would always seem to stand on top. Nothing could seem to pull you down no matter how bad it was. I loved everything about you, from the dimples on your face to the bottom of your feet. You’re my HERO and will always remain my hero, what you’ve been through and the things I’ve seen you be effected by was just a brush off your shoulder. Now you’re gone and this time you couldn’t brush it off you had to do what was in your heart. You saved someone you loved more than life itself. You stayed as long as you knew she was going to be ok, and when you did it was your time to go. I member the last time I held your hand as tears run down my face. I tried so hard to be strong but I couldn’t do it, it was like everything in the world was coming down at my feet, and I wanted so bad to do something to keep you here, because I didn’t want you to go. We may have not got along but I worshipped the ground you walked on and it still kills me to this very day to know that I wasn’t able to save you, I’ll I could do was sit and watch you suffer. We couldn’t have a normal conversation like I always could, because you could only hear me. I miss you more than life itself, more than plants miss water, more than the sun misses the earth. I miss you more than anything in this world. Close
Missing You / Beth Ervin (Mom)
I was thinking about the night you snuck out and drove the car to your brother's house (two hours away). I found your room empty at 2:30am in the morning and your dad searched for you every where, while I waited by the phone. I didn't get a call from you until 7:30am. The five hours I didn't know where you were at, seemed to me like an eternity. From the time you were born, I'd always known where you were. It was terrifying as parents not to know where you were and if you were safe. I remember how excited we were when the phone rang that we knew where you were and we headed to pick you up. We were so thankful and I think we understood better what kind of peer pressure you were under at school. I think this event was not only a changing point for you but one for us as your parents too. Now we're approaching the third anniversay of your passing and I realize that the last three years have for me been like those five hours except I know that I wont get a phone call this time. I know where you are, and I even know that your in heaven but I long from the depths of my heart just to hear your voice again, or get a hug again, or even something as simple as fixing your favorite meal. In my mind I understand better as time goes by that your gone and that I'll have to wait to see you again in heaven. It's my heart that wants to be with you again even though I know in my mind its not possible. I cherish the memories I have of you and I always will. God bless all those mothers and fathers out there who have lost a child. Lord, I love you and I know you have a plan so please fulfill the plan you have for my life and my family, In Jesus Name. Close
A poem to u / DeeAnna Ervin (Lil Sister )
It’s hard to say goodbye Its hard shedding tears when there is none It’s hard to love when there’s none there It’s hard knowing what you lost It’s hard to see your face When I touched you I felt the coldness of your body, as tears rolled down my cheek. I watched as I let go of your hand knowing that my life will never be the same. I member as I tried to look at pictures of you and trying to hold back the pain. I member the way you smelt as you walked past my room, or the way you looked when you where mad. I member every hour of everyday, every minute of every hour, and every second of every minute that you was away. Tears of loneliness is what I have To see behind the pain I face To know I lost something great For my life will never be the same. Close
I miss you so much. Your memory is still so vivid in my mind. Time seemed to stand still right after you passed away. I think I was in shock for a long time. Each day was a battle to convince myself that it really did happen and you weren't here any morning. Some mornings I'd wake up after dreaming everything was the way that it used to be and you were still here, only to have to remind myself that you weren't. I had so many desperate days that I shut myself down emotionally thinking it would help me survive. All I wanted was a few hours of not having this pain in my heart. The pain that only a parent whose lost a child can feel. Now its coming up on the third year anniversary and my thoughts of you are so much sweeter and less painful than in the beginning. My heart leaps when I think about you and how proud I you made me. You wouldn't believe how much your sister has grown up. She drew a picture of you on her wall the other night. I feel so helpless when I know she's missing you and I can't do or say anything to help her through it except tell her I love her and offer her a shoulder. She drew a picture on the wall of you that was so life-like that when I saw it, I burst out in tears. She had captured your eyes, expression and facial features just as if you had modeled for the picture. I was amazed at her talent and I'm sure your looking down from heaven proud of her too. I finally know in my heart that God has a purpose left for me here and I'm working hard to get my heart and mind ready. I love you, you are my hero always.
Hero/ Beth Ervin (Mom)
Son, I really miss you and love you. This world is so messed up, I'm so glad your safe in heaven. I know we'll see you again but I sure could use one of your hugs. I got a Christmas miracle. Your sister has moved in with me. She's so pretty and special and she misses you terribly. Please keep us in your prayers as your looking down from that great crowd of witnesses. I got a Christmas picture of Sam, she look so gorgeous. I'm so glad you saved her life in the accident. Your her hero and our home town hero. As you an Sam used to say, "Even when we're apart its okay, because I'm still right here (as you touched each other's hearts with your hands). Close
Tributes and Condolences
